I don’t know how to start this post, nor do I know what to title it, but I’ll give you the ramblings of a mother who feels sad and lost right now.
Jack started reception at the beginning of this month. Full time. Long days, leaving me with a void, a huge gaping hole where the light of my life once spent all his time. My life with just one at home had become easier than I imagined. No constant demands that changed with each second that passed. No screaming. No nappy changes. The ability to get things done.
I thought he was happy at school. We are having major issues getting him to eat and drink in school and are getting no where fast, but I thought he was happy. I thought that he’d been accepted by his peers. In many ways he has and that brings me so much joy. He was star of the week this week and stood up in front of the whole school to collect his certificate. I was more proud of the standing up in front of the whole school thing than him being star of the week. But then last night he started to talk about school.
He won’t eat or drink because he’s aware that he does it differently. He told me stories of him waiting until the dinner lady isn’t looking at him and then him sneaking out of the dinner hall, having eaten nothing. Hiding his snack in the classroom so they think he’s eaten. He told me that although his teachers understand his speech, his peers do not. And then he crushed me. He feels left out.
We’ve really tired to make mainstream work. Questioned the suggestion of a special school as we didn’t think he saw himself as disabled. But maybe it’s time to really think about that one. He feels left out. Those words will haunt me for a long while.